The Empire Page

It’s time to meet the male couple who are being impacted by New York State reluctance to pass a same sex marriage law. I want my readers to get an inside look at the issue from the perspective of an actual couple. I submitted a list of survey questions to them so my readers could get to know them better as this series unfolds. Their names are Gary Kiddney and Steve Fox and they live in the Capital District.

Here are their collective responses to the survey questions:

When did each of you realize you were gay?

Steve: At age 13

Gary:  Very early, I always liked playing with the other boy’s toys. I’d say 7 years old. 

Did each of you wait to “come out”? If so, how long?

 Steve: I came out to my mother at age 23, did not speak to anyone else.

 Gary:  My grandmother asked me outright at age 18 at Danzer’s restaurant in Syracuse. My mother was with us as well. When asked “Couldn’t you play with other boys” I commented “I DID!” funny, I remember that like yesterday.

 When you did “come out” how did you’re immediate and extended family react?

 Steve: It was only my mother – she said she knew – as the rest of my family found out or discovered the news – I was told by my sister that she would “pray for me because I was going to hell.” My one brother would play Poker and Drink Beer with his buddies on Saturday nights and bash on the local “queers”.

Gary: The reaction from my immediate family (Gram) was fine; apparently it was fine with Bonnie (my mother) also. Nothing really catastrophic. I think things just evolved, the family accepted me for me. I was told Gary (my father) had a problem with it, other than that it was just the norm.

 What has been the effect of their reaction on each of you?

 Steve: It hurts me, though I tell myself and others that “You can choose your friends and who you WANT to be around – I do not need to be around my biological family if they are so unaccepting.”

Gary: I was very, very fortunate. My grandmother was there for the both of us, day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year until she died in 2002. My sister has stood by me as well, quietly, but she is there. My one Aunt and her children are right there for us as well. My brother, well seems he turned out to be an ass. C’est la vie! Like my mother and father (until they died) we are estranged.

How long ago did you meet?

 Steve: 22 yrs.

 Gary: We actually met in November 1987 at one of my friends gatherings in Little Falls.

How long have you been living together?

Steve: 22 years.

Gary:   I decided to leave my previous 8 yr. relationship in Syracuse in January of 1988, moved in with Steve in February 1988, 22 years ago – quickly going on 23!

Did you plan on getting married?

§  As soon as New York State legalizes same sex marriages?;

Steve: Yes

Gary:  Yes, we would really prefer to be married in NYS. Kind of confused that NY will recognize a marriage preformed in another state, yet will not allow it to be performed here. I would like to know their thinking on that one.

§  or, in another state if New York doesn’t pass a law in the next session?

Steve: by our 25^th Anniversary

Gary: We both agree we would like to “make it legal” by our 25^th Anniversary. If NY or the Supreme Court doesn’t recognize our Civil Right to be a couple (and to be performed here in NYS) then we will go to Massachusetts

I give to you Gary and Steve, who I believe to be an average gay male couple. They are both very caring people and are very professional people.

In the next posting, I will be asking them some more questions about their more recent past to let the readers gain more knowledge of their lifestyle and background. Stay tuned.

Douglas Boettner 

doug.boettner@gmail.com